You Asked for a Sign...

Ever stress about a decision so much that you lose sleep over it?  Even after praying for clarity and asking for wisdom, it still consumes your thoughts? 

For me, recently, the big decision was a new car.  Before you read any further, let me go ahead and acknowledge that I realize I am extremely privileged to even be in a position to get to think about buying a new car.  A little over a month ago, my dad and I were having a conversation about budgeting and expenses when he casually suggested that it might be time to start looking to replace my car – my beloved 2006 CR-V named Babar (like the elephant King).  It certainly wasn’t a need – aside from the typical expenses and repairs one might expect to put into a twelve-year-old car, Babar had been running fine.  But, knowing that my car was getting older and losing value, and that I take a long time to make decisions and I wasn’t in any rush, I heeded his recommendation. The plan was just to start looking.  That’s it.  But then I found out how much I could still get for selling my car.  And I found a really great interest rate on a loan.  And then a couple of the cars I looked into had really great promotions for end of summer deals and before I knew it, I was getting a lot more serious about getting a new car sooner rather than later.

Even so, I lost sleep over the decision.  Was I being unreasonable – looking at new cars when I had one that was working just fine right now?  As a teacher, I used to get so frustrated with students who wanted to be told exactly what to do to solve a problem, rather than thinking through the process for themselves.  But really, I do the same thing with God.  I want Him to tell me exactly what to do and how to do it so that I don’t have to risk making the wrong decision.  This, however, happened to fall into that “free will” category that didn’t seem to have a right or wrong answer.  So after much online research, a few test drives, and a very detailed spreadsheet comparison, I decided on a Hyundai Tucson. 

My dad came with me and we worked out a deal.  As I left the lot in my new car – driving more carefully than I probably had in quite a while, I thanked God for this undeserved blessing and prayed that it I hadn’t made a bad decision.  I drove straight from the car dealership to my parents’ house to show the new ride to my mom and as I pulled onto their street, one of the fattest rainbows I’d ever seen stretched from a high cloud down to the ground.  My sensitive, emotional self started to get just a bit teary as I thanked God for this sign – of His faithfulness, His provision, and His love.  As soon as I walked in my parents’ front door, my dad asked if I had seen the rainbow (he had left the dealership and pulled in just a few minutes before me) and we laughed with relief and gratitude.  Rainbows have always had a special meaning for me, as I’ve been repeatedly told from my parents and relatives that there was a large one over the hospital on the day I was born. 

Just three days later, I arrived home and my roommate shared that, because of an opportunity she’s been given, she’ll be moving out in a few months.  And suddenly, all reassurance went out the window and I questioned everything about my decision to get a new car.  The next morning, I turned on some worship music and started journaling.  Asking God if I had misinterpreted his green light to buy the car (clearly forgetting about the rainbow at this point) and questioning his timing and purpose in all of this.  I had been writing for a few minutes when I heard, “I know You’re in control…I hear you say, ‘Look up child.’”  The title track off of Lauren Daigle’s new album was playing from my worship playlist. 

            In Psalm 106, the author is recounting the story of when God rescued the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt.  After laying out many of the details, including the miraculous parting of the Red Sea, verses 12-14 say, “Then they believed his promises and sang his praise.  But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his plan to unfold.  In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test.”

            When I was a teenager and would read about the Israelites in the Old Testament, I remember thinking, “How could they EVER turn away from God like that?   How could they be so forgetful and ungrateful for how He’d saved them?!”  I don’t wonder about that anymore.  I am the forgetful, ungrateful Israelite.  I need constant reminders from God that He is still in control, still my Father who will provide for me.  Rather than getting frustrated with my doubts, God is patient with me, willing to calm my nerves whether it’s through His Word, a worship song, or even a rainbow.